This is what I do when I could be having sex

If you were to have sex right now, would you use a condom?
- It's england, it's uni. I got the lectures from mom and dad saying the place is rampant with AIDS. I won't get my inheiritance if I get an STD. I mean, I'm already GAY *gasps*

Do you think it's bad to have sex at your age?
- I've been waiting 18 miserable years to do the dirty. I'm not going to be held back now that I'm actually legal.

Do you have a crush on any of your teachers?
- None of them are really attractive. I don't like any of them, but I would have sex with them.

What do you think of your teachers?
- My sortyboarding teacher, Professor Wallace, has the wost smelling perfume in the whole of Britain. It's smells like rancid piss. Stirred all up in horse dung,

Do you like anybody?
- Depends on what you mean by like. But I do have my eye on someone.

What would you do if you got pregnant?
- I would laugh at all the people that said that gays killed the dinosaurs. Immaculate conceiption revamped: MALE PREGNANCY!

Do you have real or fake fingernails?
- fake. who uses real finger nails in this day and age? XD

Do you have boobs?
- No. i'm gay, not a tranny. No offense to those that are, though. slept with a couple, am friends with some. All of them, darlings.

Who do you talk to about girl stuff?
- I try with my dormmates. It doesn't work out too well. I think Iain is the most receiving, and that's saying something. times like this I miss Margaret: former best friend, transvestite. Helped me come out of the closet.

Do you wear makeup?
- To parties mostly. But I do fancy eyeliner quite a bit.

Do you wear a bra?
- Well, no, unfortunately.

Do you sleep in your bra?
- Look above.

Do you love to shop?
- With the right people. when its with the family, they just try to stuff me in an assortment of suits. Rather bothersome. They never cater to what I like. 

Are you girly?
- *smirks*

Shoes or purses?
- Shoes. I'm pretty efiminate, but not that much.

Do you consider yourself slutty?
- No. I hate sluts.

What is your favourite accessory?
- Whoever is on my arm. Friend, foe or someone special. I'm always with company. GOOD company.

Do you shave your legs?
- Yes.

Do you believe all men are pigs?
- I've had my share of shitty men. I'm holding out hope, though.

Hugs or kisses?
- Kisses.

A peck or a french?
- It depends on who.

High heels or sneakers?
- Um, do I get the option of sandals? Or converse? Or BOOTS?

A skirt or jeans?
- Jeans. Nice tight jeans.

Skinny jeans or flared?
- Flared. Holy Jesus, I can't stand skinny jeas. Or pencil jeans.

Do you like when guys touch your hair?
- Who doesn't?

Do you sing in the shower?
- Always.

Do you have girly items in your bedroom?
- Yes. Haven't we established my femininity albeit my actual gender?

Do you have a best friend?
- I used to. But not anymore.

Do you consider yourself trendy?
- Yes, very much. I'm the best dressed person in my entire hall.

Have you ever been backstabbed?
- It's the reason I have no best friend at the mo'.

Do you take birth control pills?
- Like I said, not that feminine.

Have you ever bought a condom?
- Yes. i've been having quite the time since I turned legal.

Do you use soap or body wash?
- Body wash X_X. Soap is just atrocious in this day and age.

Do you use perfume?
- Yes. I don't like cologne because it tends to smell rancid after an hour or two on my skin.

What colour eyeliner is your favourite?
- Black or dark blue.

Is glitter tacky?
- No. But fine glitter is elegant. Eight year old body glitter is just disgusting and tasteless.

Do you often use eyeshadow?
- When I feel dressy.

Lip gloss or chapstick?
- Lip gloss any day.

Are fake eyelashes gross?
- Absolutely not!

What colour do you wear the most?
- Red and brown.

How many pairs of shoes do you own?
- Quite a few. Easily over fifty. And I dragged them all here to my dorm in London.

What is your favourite pair?
- My black, leather combat boots.

How many skirts do you own?
- Um, how about none?

Fuzzy socks or ankle socks?
- Ankle socks.

Would you rather wear long sleeves or short sleeves?
- Long sleeves, actually.

Do you eat healthy?
- Yes. I'm obsessed with my body. I like it to look healthy: eating right is the first step to that.

Do you have poor vision?
- HORRID. I try to get around that, though. I look terrible in glasses, but I have a stigma that prevents me from getting contacts. I just like to pretend that I can see well until I can go and do my surgery.

When it comes to the opposite sex, do you have a type?
- Well, I'm quite gay, so I don't think this question is applicable.

Have you ever cheated on a guy?
- No. I'm faithful.

Are you a heartbreaker?
- Apparently so.

Do you blush easily?
- No. I'm the best in the world at putting on a poker face. I studied theatre in secondary school for a reason.

What colour eyes do you prefer on a guy?
- Blue. The prettiest deep blue in the whole wide world. The person I like now, I think that's what I appreciate most abut them.

Do you act ditzy around guys?
- I think mental density is a turnoff for men. Or it should be. Class and poise are important.

What colour is your hair?
- Dark brown.

What products do you use in it?
- Gel, softener, conditioner, shampoo, thickener, straightener, anti-dandruff cream, moisturizer, root stimulator. Is that it?

Ever gotten highlights or lowlights?
- No, actually. My hair is a shade of brown to die for: its great as it is.

Would you ever dye your hair an unnatural colour?
- Consult above.

How do you wear your hair to school?
- Well, I have it really low cut, so that should answer your question. When I wore it longer, I used to tie it in a black ribbon. the looks were hilarious.

Are you self-conscious?
- It depends who I am around.

Do you judge people?
- I can be really vindictive in certain situations. Especially when it comes to my past. But I'd rather not go there.

Would you change yourself for someone you love?
- Yes. Yes I would. I have and its hurt me, but I don't live with regrets

How much did you weigh when you were born?
- five pounds. I was so skinny ^^

What was your first word?
- It was actually "hello". I've been social since I was young.

What do you want to name your children?
- I think I would leave that up to my husband. I know nothing about child rearing or child naming or anything of that sort.
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So, I'm going out with Iain in a while. I'm actually excited about it. Like how excited I was when I used to go out with Magaret. Or how it felt when I was comnig up to London from St. Ives. I really don't want to scare him off: I believe in being genuine around people. I know adam and Karl are laughing back in the dorms. 
I know that this will turn out to be a disaster. Hopefully they're not making spaghetti. Adam's spaghetti taste's like DUNG. 
It'll just be the cherry of irony atop the sunday of despair that this outing is going to be.
CHIN UP, STEWART! You've always been the optimist xD.